Choices: Part 2

Choices: Part 2

This is 20% of a very long story: a painfully shy risk-averse geekgirl falls into some sort of relativistic or quantum ball, meets her own self who is outside the (spherical) box, learns valuable life lessons from the time-dilated or otherwise wiser self, comes back to her computer terminal through a wormhole or a catastrophe theory, and successfully works up the courage to talk to a boy.

We can infer that she is cute in the second most obvious way.

Metapost

Does Randall Munroe, the creator of xkcd, flirt ineptly with Korean waitresses?

NP-Complete

NP-Complete

The joke is in the innocuous phrase “as fast as possible”—because for an NP-complete problem, as fast as possible is certain to be really, really slow, which is hilarious.

The female on the left seems mortified—as if he had asked for a fork at a sushi bar. It’s just a little computer humor, lady.

Tabletop Roleplaying

Tabletop Roleplaying

There was a spate of print ads last year in which a phrase like “friend request accepted”, say, was accompanied by a picture of a couple of sleazy young people embracing. Oddball humor is thus seen to be a particularly viral marketing technique.

The wit of “hey, no recursing” is sure to drive the thinking geek to endless echoing peals of laughter.

What are endless peals, you ask? See peals, endless.

Elefino

Elefino

On a more sophisticated humor site, the left side would be correctly divided by 2.

City

City

The hidden message, which you can extract by carefully deleting all S and C words, is “your mom”.

It is a last-minute surprise twist, to distract you from what the attempted poem turned into.

When engaged in activities that demand extreme unitasking, such as the construction of alliterative word-streams, a man is likely to let one or two of his sickest obsessions bubble to the surface.

In the case of the thinking geek, these usually amount to juvenile sexual fantasies, or violent revenge scenarios.

A poem is defined as prose with no syntax rules.

Dyslexics

Dyslexics

Explanation: Moron! “Not going nowhere” is a double negative, which means you’re going somewhere!

Here is a fine example of this hallowed genre, from the original comics explanation website. Note that it has sarcasm, math and language, but probably no romance.

Abstraction

Abstraction

We forward you to the explanation that cannot be topped.

It’s catching : Hyperbole And A Half

It’s catching.

Sneaky Hate Spiral

Here, someone who could only be described as the Jay Leno of the 15-35 female demographic uses the webcomic format to register stunningly relatable complaints.

Many hundreds from that community have resoundingly confirmed this in the comments. There is also a webstore.

The basic trope of this comic is the same one that approaches totality of usage within the demographic: inanimate objects that “hate” the subject. This is repeated in the comic with frightening relentlessness from beginning to end.

Things having minds are hilarious, but surely this style of humor makes exceptions? Not so. It only seems so because there is a cat in there, and so forth, but a moment’s thought shows that an anthropomorphic cat is as one with a sentient wallet. It is how cats and dogs became boys and girls, people.

Why is this comic relevant here? It may be said that big babies are always relevant to xkcd, but there are other similarities.

“Do you like velociraptors, pirates, sharks and boats? Then you will probably like my blog”: there is much webcomic cred in this, and surprising marketing acumen.

There are numerous allusions on the page to the best hyped computers of all: Macs.

The store has T-shirts saying Triangles Are Fun, and Tyrannowhorus Rex, and I Would Crawl Across A Desert For You.

But trumping them all is the gold standard of webwit: The Sciencey Diagram.

It has tubes and containers of a vaguely biological shape, as are usually drawn by people who don’t know any science and hate it. Or shall we say science hates them?

The theory illustrated in it is stunningly relatable—”anger” is a red ball or perhaps an incompressible fluid, which can only leave one’s person through an “outlet”.

Appendix: It seems that Subway did in fact have a policy of placing cheese triangles “incorrectly” on the sub. People actually noticed it, and rattled by its nonuniformity, many ordered extra cheese to attain full-spectrum coverage. These minutiae will stupefy an ordinary person. However, close observation of this type is second nature to webcomics.

Yes, there are dinosaurs—scroll down.

Why Do You Love Me?

Why Do You Love Me?

One way this early xkcd could be made more effective:

Switch the characters around.

At the end, eject the guy from the strip, so only his lower half is showing in the frame, in midair.

Add motion lines, blur lines, and blowback lines to show where he took off from and his subsequent ballistic trajectory.

Done.

It’s like a laugh track, but visual, and takes the punch line up a couple of notches.

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